I will often play with words and names to develop some clever acronym to get my point across on a particular topic. While looking back on my role as a father (all my children are grown and raising families of their own), I came up with one that I hope I practiced in my children’s lives.

As I started developing these thoughts, I became keenly aware that I was not perfect in any of them but tried desperately to give an excellent effort in my role as a father. I have learned much over my 36+ years as a parent and have much yet to understand.  So bear with me as I share some ideas, thoughts, and admonitions to fathers and how we all can become better in our role.

Faithful – First and foremost, a father is devoted. Years before I became a father, I promised my perfect Father, our God, and Creator in heaven, that I would be faithful to Him. We know that God is always faithful to His children; in that perfect example, I learn how to be authentic. I certainly could spend quite a bit of time discussing our relationship with our Creator, but what I want to hone in on assumes that we already have the right relationship with our Supreme Father.  The faithfulness of a father starts in the “I Do’s” of marriage. I would remind you of this from Genesis 2:23-24 when marriage is brought to the forefront of creation. Have you ever thought about that; when God created all in six days, soon after, he would bring man face to face with the reality that he (man) was alone. I believe the chief reason that God had man name every creature was so that Adam could see that no helper was found to be fit for him (vs. 20). Enter the holy ceremony of the marriage a covenant (promise) with God. Verse 24 states: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” We become one flesh; we are joined together in such a way that when we look into a mirror, we see one united man and woman dedicated to the promise we made before God. We (husbands) would love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsake all others, and hold to faithfulness to her forever! It is in the promise of marriage that commitment begins with each other and when we have children.

Fathers are faithful to their children in two crucial ways, first by taking on the responsibility of a spiritual leader in the house. Far too often, men give up this responsibility to the wives. While wives/mothers need to be spiritually minded, spiritual leadership has been given to the man (Eph.5:22-33). When the husband/father takes on this role, he will fulfill the second and equally important way by raising his children in the Instruction and Discipline of the Lord (Eph.6:4). When fathers meet this teaching and admonishing responsibility, then children will desire to obey (Eph.6:1). Yes, I said to choose it! If Fathers are faithful in these two ways, their children will want to do all they can to please mom and dad. Do children always seek to obey? The obvious answer is no. Children will be children. However, when we as fathers are consistent in our discipline, our children will be respectful and obedient for the most part over time and into their teenage years. If you tell me your kids are out of control, that they are disrespectful, unruly and run things in the household, you are failing in your faithfulness to them. Oh, you may provide them a roof over their heads and three squares a day, and that is important, but you fail at the most significant responsibility as a father. There is more to being a father than being a good provider.

Available – When my son was born, I was carving out a life working in the Oil Industry. There were times that I would be away from home as much six weeks at a time. It was so challenging to be the father I wanted to be when I was gone much of the time. Kim had to take on that dual role of mother and father. I know she longed for me to be home, not only to be there for her but our infant son as well. I wanted to be there; I wanted to hold him, I wanted to teach him about the essential things he would take with him to adulthood, I wanted to be the one he asked the hard questions. Fortunately, I was finally able to spend more time at home. I became AVAILABLE! Available to my two-year-old son out in the yard with me and let him push the mower (at least he thought he was) while we mowed the grass. We lived in a two-bedroom house with an average size yard that would typically take me 30-45 minutes to cut; it did not bother me at all that it would take two hours to mow with his little legs churning away while we paced back forth in that yard. It was the highlight of the week to mow the yard with my son. Side note here; when he grew into the wise old age of 12 – yard work was not his thing. Still, he had to come out and help. I enjoyed being available for all three of my children and their endeavors, everything from sports to choir concerts to being there when a storm roared outside the walls of our house. There have been painful conversations that I’ve had with each of them, moments of uncertainty and loss. Sometimes there is nothing we can say when some horrible thing happens, but we can be available. There was a time when my son and I were not on the same page, and it was painful to see him make some of the mistakes that I had made. I wanted to be available; I tried to save him from himself. I became unavailable while remaining available. What? That makes no sense! I’m saying that I had to step back; I had to let him make his mistakes. It was painful for all of us, but he is a better man today for it. I hope he knows I was always available.

Trustworthy – This might be the essential trait of a father. The ability to show your children and your wife that they can put their complete trust in you, that you will deliver on what you say will do. I have failed many times at this. The fact cannot be ignored I was not always as trustworthy as I should have been. Ever thought about the definition of trustworthy? Let’s take a look at it – TRUSTWORTHY: Be relied on as honest or truthful—reliable, dependable, honorable, upright, principled, faithful. Then there is this: as good as one’s word,  ethical,  virtuous,  incorruptible,  unimpeachable, above suspicion; there is yet more – responsible, sensible, levelheaded, loyal, steadfast, sound, reputable and discreet: what a list, all pointing to the character of a man.

We receive instruction from the apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippians as to the mind-set we should embrace as men.  “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (Php.4:8) As fathers, our desire should be for these qualities; we should seek them, we should embrace them, yearn for them, put them into practice. Your children will readily notice and love you for it when you are a trustworthy father.

Helper – Some of the most fantastic times I have had is when I have been able to help my children. Whether it be showing them how to hold a football properly to be accurate and strong in your throw or how to change a flat tire, it is a joy to help. There have been times that each one of my children has asked for help in some way. Krista would only play basketball her second year if I coached, not that I’m an excellent coach, but I was patient and willing to put in the time to help. I have coached or helped coach all three of my children in some athletic endeavor at one time or another in their lives. The advice that I believe is the most important that a father can provide preparing your children for adulthood; help them understand that they will take on new responsibilities.

More will be required of them once they are in the workplace, that life is not just one big vacation. I have helped them in their spiritual lives as well. They have come to me with a question about faith when I stop everything I’m doing and listen intently to their request or dilemma. I have had the opportunity to help them “sort things out” from feelings of loneliness with their peers to the day they decided to turn their lives over to Christ and obey His gospel. Each time I have helped them, it has helped me more. It has provided yet another way for me to grow and to become a better father.

Encouraging – As parents, both mom and dad, we are given time to impact the lives of children in either a positive or negative way. We can be encouraging or discouraging by things we say or do. In 2005, an event took place that publicly embarrassed my family because of my temper. I was ashamed of my actions almost immediately, but the damage had been done. I received a handwritten letter from my wife the next day outlining hers and the children’s humiliation and the hurt they felt. But more than describing their feelings, something stuck with me and caused me to want to change were; the simple words, “your anger has caused you to be a constant discouragement to your loved ones!” There was more to the letter, but the fact that I was actively, consistently discouraging my children, my wife, my family struck me like a bat between my eyes. At that moment, I knew I had to change. I publicly apologized to all that were a part of my outburst; I set out to repair the damage done to my loved ones. From that day, I started first to control my temper (I didn’t always succeed). I spent time in the word, I read over and over Galatians 5:19-24, especially verse 24 that says: “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” I began to retrain my mind; I transformed my thinking, I tried hard to become the encourager that Jesus intended me to be. Men, our discouragement will set the tone for the family; our words of hatefulness will only tear down and destroy. It is the time that we all remember to crucify the old man and put on the new. Colossians 3:5-17

Ready – I was not prepared but had to get prepared in a hurry when Kim came home and told me we were pregnant. My first thought was, “I’m not pregnant” However that thought quickly left my mind when my wife explained to me the part I played in all of this and, therefore, “WE” were indeed pregnant. I honestly was not ready to be a father, I didn’t know what to do, so I drew on the only experience I had ever had to that point, my dad. Dad was ready, always prepared to be a father. Dad was not always perfect, but no man ever put forth more effort. He would come home from a long day at work and be ready to go outside and spend time playing with his boys. He was willing to sit in front of a chalkboard with chalk in hand and lovingly try to teach me math. He was ready to discipline whenever I crossed that line; he was consistent and loving in doing so. Dad was prepared to share life lessons by instilling the thought in our minds that “we had to try at least!” He was ready to defend and to protect! Dad, he was always prepared! He was glad the day we broke the news to him and mom that WE were pregnant. He and I had a conversation that I have never shared with anyone until this time. Bear in mind that my dad was a man of few words; if it could be said in 3 or 4 comments and get the point across, then that is what he did. “Son, this is the one area of your life that has no instructions. But the one thing I can tell you is that you must always be ready!” Ready? So that’s your sage advice to me? Looking back over the years as a father, I can tell you it was the best advice I ever received.  As a parent, life will throw you all sorts of pitches. The one you better be ready for is that back-breaking curve that comes at you like a watermelon you’re ready to hit out of the park. Just as it gets to you, you with your bat level, your swing true, it drops like that same watermelon off the edge of the table and hits the floor with such force that you have a mess everywhere. Be ready fathers, if it hasn’t come yet, it will. Buckle up, get ready for the ride, be the driver, be the one that has a single goal in mind “THAT I AM GOING TO DO ALL I CAN TO GET MY FAMILY TO HEAVEN!”